When you talk in front of a group, do you “light up the room”? Or do you struggle to inspire people?

Having charisma is essential for creating a good impression in these situations, and it is something that you can learn.

Charisma is a collection of traits and behaviors that make you appeal to other people. The word comes from the Greek word “charis,” which means “grace” or “gift.”

“Live within; be not shaken by outward happening.”

Sri Aurobindo

A person who is charismatic believes in being happy internally and is exceptionally engaging, likable, trustworthy, and, in many cases, a bit “magical.” Larger-than-life personalities like Sri Aurobindo, Mother, Martin Luther King, Oprah Winfrey, and Sir Richard Branson have all been known for their charismatic personalities.

Charisma and Power

Charisma is a form of “referent power,” which social psychologists John French and Bertram Raven identified as one of the five bases of power. Referent power is a power that you have because other people like and respect you.

With that in mind, remember that charisma can be misused. Don’t use it to manipulate others into doing something that is against their interests.

Developing Charisma

Charisma is nothing more than a set of traits and behaviors that, when put together, turn you into a magnetic, engaging personality. Plenty of research shows that you can learn and perfect these traits.

For instance, studies have shown that leaders who are willing to endure hardship are seen as more charismatic by their teams, and people who have a positive outlook are more likely to have charisma. Also, what people choose to say can affect how charismatic they are.

A common misconception about charisma is that it is closely linked with physical attractiveness. Although this can help you to be liked in some situations, it’s certainly not a requirement for being charismatic. Ultimately, beauty is only skin deep. Your actions and beliefs can matter far more to thoughtful people than how you look.

Let’s look at some of the best ways to develop a charismatic personality

1. Body Language and Presence

Body language and “presence” are important aspects of charisma. Without saying a word, the right body language can transmit strength, warmth, and likability.

Start by standing up straight, with your shoulders back and your head up. Good posture not only makes you look confident and in control, but it also makes you feel this way!

Presence is a bit different from body language: this has to do with the quality of your attention. When you have a presence, you devote all of your attention to the person you’re with, and you don’t let your mind wander to something else. You give yourself, and your attention, solely to that person.

Do your best to stay in the moment and stay aware. You may be surprised by the impact this has on your relationships!

2. Helping Others Feel Good

Sincerity is incredibly important in developing charisma. People will notice if you’re just “going through the motions” or are giving out insincere compliments. Make sure that you stay authentic as you work on your skills.

Charismatic people make others feel great. Instead of focusing on their own success, they spend a great deal of time and energy trying to lift others up. By helping the people around them, they create an environment of positive energy that others are naturally drawn to.

You can also help others by becoming a mentor, by coaching less-experienced team members, and by practicing random acts of kindness.

A genuine smile, when appropriate, can also help to make people feel good.

3. Emotional Intelligence and Empathy

There is a strong link between high emotional intelligence and charisma. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are aware of their own emotions, as well as of the emotions of those around them. This awareness allows them to stay cool under pressure and give people what they need emotionally.

Empathy is an important part of this. When you’re able to understand other people’s perspectives, wants, and needs, you open the door for greater understanding and connection.

4. Self-Confidence and Assertiveness

Charismatic people have confidence, and they know how to be assertive.

Start by building self-confidence. You can do this by using your strengths more at work, by setting and achieving small goals, and by developing the knowledge and skills that you need to do your job effectively. Also, develop your public speaking skills, so that you can speak clearly and confidently in front of a group.

Assertiveness is slightly different. When you’re assertive, you communicate your wants and needs, while still respecting the wants and needs of other people. When you’re assertive, you show personal power, but you use this power with kindness, respect, and dignity.

It takes time to develop charisma, so pay attention to several areas. Look at developing charisma as a personal journey, and focus on one area at a time.

Veena Vaishy

Psychologist

Auro University

Adolescence is a time of unprecedented cognitive and physical growth and vivid experiences of new ideas, feelings, and ambitions. It’s a period of intense learning and development, but it is also a high-risk period for impulsive behavior, and for the onset of mental health and substance use disorders. It’s not unusual for young people to experience “the blues” or feel “down in the dumps” occasionally.

Unrealistic academic, social, or family expectations can create a strong sense of rejection and can lead to deep disappointment. When things go wrong at school or at home, teens often overreact. Many young people feel that life is not fair or that things “never go their way.” They feel “stressed out” and confused. Today’s teens see more of what life has to offer — both good and bad — on television, at school, in magazines and on the Internet. The high need to communicate and share feelings and emotions is a dominating need and necessity in today’s life. That too by being accepted the way we are. With that expectation social media became a best platform for the unhappy and restless teens.

Social media dramatically changed the way we communicate, socialize, and make and maintain friendships. While there are benefits of living in a digital world, there are also risks. Today’s youth miss out on critical social skills development when they spend the majority of their free time connected to and interacting through a screen.

It’s easier to make statements on a screen that would otherwise be difficult to verbalize face to face. And disjointed shorthand conversations can easily result in misunderstandings. It doesn’t help that digital communication occurs at a rapid pace, one that is difficult to process at times.

One report by the Royal Society for Public Health in the UK surveyed 1500 young people, ages 14 to 24, to determine the effects of social media use on issues such as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and body image. Their findings show that YouTube had the most positive impact, while Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and SnapChat all had negative effects on mental health.

While these findings might make you want to delete all social media apps and ban your teen from any digital communication, avoidance isn’t the answer. A better bet is to understand how and why your teen uses social media, stay connected, and know what to look for if your teen shows unexplained emotional changes.

The Upside of Social Media

 There are some positive aspects of social media. It’s important to remember that teens are hardwired for socialization, and social media makes socializing easy and immediate. Teens who struggle with social skills, social anxiety, or who don’t have easy access to face-to-face socializing with other teens might benefit from connecting with other teens through social media.

Teens in marginalized groups—including LGBTQ teens and teens struggling with mental health issues—can find support and friendship through the use of social media. When teens connect with small groups of supportive teens via social media, those connections can be the difference between living in isolation and finding support.

How to help your teen navigate social media

Believe it or not, your teen does want your support and guidance, but it can be hard to strike a balance between helping and trying to fix everything. Follow these tips to support your teen:

1. Ask questions

Teens need autonomy in their lives, so micromanaging their online use can backfire. The best thing parents can do is engage with their teens. Ask which apps your teen uses the most often and why. Give your teen the space to tell you about the benefits of social media.

2. Model appropriate behavior

Modeling is very important during adolescence. When parents follow their own rules and stick to their own boundaries, teen learns important lessons in self-care and setting limits.

3. Talk often

Talk about your own experiences with social media. Have you ever experienced envy when scrolling through your feed? Have you accepted a friend request that turned out to be a fake profile because you didn’t take the time to look? When parents share their own experiences and talk openly about the highs and lows of social media, teens are more likely to open up about their experiences.

A connection is a key when it comes to parenting teens in a modern world. The single best thing you can do for your teen is making time for face-to-face connections and simply be present.

 

-Veena Vaishy

Psychologist

Auro University